Much as I hate to generalize and/or categorize people, I’m going to do it. I believe there are three kinds of people in the world: those who go to the emergency room, those who drive other people to the emergency room and those who never go to the emergency room. I always thought I was the second kind…I drive other people to the emergency room. In fact, the lady who checked me in at the emergency room last night recognized me from having brought my friend in recently…apparently I was even “in the system,” but I was in the system as an emergency contact; they didn’t actually have any information on me. I am so used to being the one who drives people to the emergency room rather than goes to the emergency room that I don’t even have a “primary care physician” (I don’t know how many times I heard last night, “you DON’T have a primary care physican?!?!?!” Well, I had one a few years ago, but then that practice closed up and I haven’t needed to go to a doctor since then, so I never found a new one.)
So anyway…what did I do to go from being a person who drives other people to the emergency room to a person who goes to the emergency room (at ten o’clock at night)? Well…my husband did something to his back a few days ago, so he asked me to get this chair massager thing down from the top shelf of his closet. I’m short. I’m so short that even standing on a stool, I was on my tip toes and never saw the HUGE (not to mention HEAVY) power transformer thingie that suddenly came crashing down ahead of the massager thing (yes, objects with heavier mass really do fall faster!). I saw it fast enough that I moved so it didn’t hit me in the head. It hit me above my lip instead. And I ended up with a hole on the outside of my lip AND on the inside of my lip. It seemed to me it was one hole that went all the way through, but when the doctor looked at it, he didn’t think there was a hole on the inside. I think by the time he saw it my lip was so swollen that I couldn’t actually turn my lip out and up enough for him to see the inside hole. I’m telling you, there’s a hole in there! I keep finding it with my tongue!!! And it’s bigger than the one that was on the outside…I’m guessing my tooth bit through the lip when the transformer thingie hit it. But it doesn’t really matter whether there’s a hole in there or not…the doctor wouldn’t have done anything about it. He did, however, stitch up the outside of my lip. When we got home last night, Teen was still up. He said, “you look like you have an ant crawling above your lip.” That’s exactly what it looks like!
So, now I have an ant crawling above my lip and I have a HUGELY swollen lip that makes it hard to talk or smile. And I hardly slept at all last night because about ten minutes after I finally fell asleep, I suddenly woke up with excruciating stomach pain, which I’m guessing was caused by the blood I must’ve swallowed last night. I kept pressing a cloth against the outside to stop the blood, but I couldn’t really do anything about the blood on the inside of the mouth.
I guess the good news is this is another one of those “life experiences” that I can now write about.
The bad news is I was supposed to do a reading at this “salon” tonight at the Coralville Public Library. I don’t think I’ll be making that…